Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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