Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
