Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
