i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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