she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
