True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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