I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
