yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
