dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
