So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
