Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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