I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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