Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
