I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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