Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
