Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
