im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
