Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
