Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
