maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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