Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
