my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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