The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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