just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize