why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
