Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
