I can text with my tongue
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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