Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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