if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
