worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
