I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
