I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
