She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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