I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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