Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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