I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
