My brain says no but my pants say off.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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