Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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