Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
