so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
