god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
