Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
