he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
