i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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