Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
