You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
