were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
