you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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