i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
