make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
the raccoons are back...
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