She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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