what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
