so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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