tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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