ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
two words...techno handjob
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize