You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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