So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
