Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
