ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
