Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize