rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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