it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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