i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
