bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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