I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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