mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
