I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
