i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
