I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
